Patty Knight

I am terrible at writing posts!  How long has it been?  Too long.  Well, I apologize for the long delays.  I always want to write but then I sit down and don’t know where to begin.  I always have updates from the doctors but I never really know what is going on or what will happen in the days to come.  I guess I just need to accept that life is ever changing and none of us will ever really know what the future holds for us.  We can make plans, we can prepare and think we have it all under our control but in reality we are not in control. Nope that is just our imagination allowing us to feel in control and comfort us.  God is the only one who knows the future and all the twists and turns our life will take.  What we can control is our faith that God will see us through every peak and valley we travel through.  We need to constantly remember that with every sunrise we are blessed with another day and with every sunset we are blessed with the memories we made that day, the people we have touched, and the lessons we have learned.  It is my understanding that life on earth is equivalent to a blink of the eye in heaven.  Time is short and none of us know how long we have to make an impression on those around us.  I never gave this much thought when I was younger but then I got cancer. Instead of focusing on the scary word cancer and thinking about dying I have tried to focus on living a meaningful life.  I am not so sure I have been successful but I hope I am leaving behind something of value to those in my life.  As I reflect on my life I try to learn from my mistakes and do good things for others and myself.  Sometimes the good things may be as simple as taking the time to call a friend or say hi to a stranger I meet.  Sometimes just a kind word is all someone needs to hear to make their day a little brighter.  I hope during the upcoming holiday season we can all remember to be kind to one another no matter what the situation may be.  We all have hidden scars and struggles so we need not judge others just be kind and understand that only God has the ability to understand and judge.  We also need to remember to be thankful when everything is going good and we are on top of the world.  We did not get there alone so remember the ones who helped you get there.

OK enough about that and on to my update.  I have now been on chemo and immunotherapy for 2 years.  Immunotherapy is the new and latest treatment that has been showing promising results for many cancer patients.  I have been doing much better on this treatment than the last two chemo drugs, which were going to kill me!  Well, I am thankful for the last two years and was excited that I would maybe get to stop treatment.  Well, not so fast, the latest studies just came out and they did not look good for those who stopped treatment so that bought me additional time.  I am not sure how long but until more studies come out showing more positive results.  I guess it was good I did not stop treatment because I found a new area that felt funny.  I could not really see anything so I watched it and then one day I noticed a very small discoloration.  I went to my doctor and she thought it did not look worrisome but with my history she felt it was best to biopsy it.  Well, to our surprise it came back positive.  This makes the 7th time my cancer has returned.  They could not be for sure if it was a new metastasis or a new primary so they send the slides to my oncologist who then had them studied and they could not determine if it was new or a metastasis either.  Ugh what a terrible thing to happen after such good results.  They are scheduling surgery to remove it and then sending off my tissue sample to study it.  They believe there must be a change such as a new mutation.  They are looking for the reason my treatments are no longer working.  The hope will be that it is a metastasis and not a new primary lesion.  Is it a fluke that it came back after two years of treatment or has it changed and I need a new treatment regimen?  The best drugs for my cancer I can’t take due to the toxicity so what is left?  Well, the doctors are not sure maybe a study drug or maybe we will just stay on the same one and see if more cancer comes back.  Its all unknown for now but I will have surgery to get rid of the cancer that has come back for now.  I am just going to be one of those patients who just cant stay in remission.  The positive to all this is that I have found my cancer very early each time.  I have actually found it right after normal ct scans the last two times.  I should mention I also found cancer in my dog very early and she had surgery that saved her life!  Too bad I can’t detect all cancer early for everyone….That would be an amazing gift.  I am just happy that God has blessed me with the ability to find mine and my dogs.  So my plan is to get better at writing updates.  My surgery is schedule for December.  Yes, its a little ways off but there are a lot of cancer patients needing their surgery as well so I have to take it when I can get it.  I am thankful for everyday that I am here and that my doctors have done such a good job of keeping me alive and well to see my youngest son turn 18.  Well, he will be 18 in January and I am pretty sure I will see that day come.  

God Bless everyone reading this and may you have a safe and happy holiday season.